James Holman
Eng 110 T&R 8:00-9:30
11/22/02
Who am I ????
So who am I? That is a very good question that I have never really been asked until now. I have been asked what I want to be and all those kind of questions but never, who I am. I honestly don’t really know who I am just because I am some one who believes that you change all the time so I don’t think you can clearly define who you are as a person. Some of the things that I do know is what I want and what I have learned and how they have affected me. There are so many things that people go through that either change the person or make them think in a way that they never have thought of and I am no different. I have had so many things affect my life in so many different ways that I couldn’t tell you them all in an entire lifetime.
There have been so many things in my life that I have never been able to explain and one of those things would have to be my thoughts. I have always been someone who thinks all the time and I have no idea why. One day for some unknown reason I started to write some of my thoughts on a sheet of paper. I have no idea why I started this. Maybe it was because of the many stresses that I have always let build-up or maybe it was me expressing my anger. No matter the case I started writing and just writing about whatever. Having no idea what it might be about, or what I would say. I had no idea what was going to become of this but none the less I kept on going. I believe it all started out just talking about what was on my mind. At the time it was usually girls. The most complex and confusing of which I have ever laid my eyes on. I guess through this journaling I was able to express myself in a way that allowed me to release my feelings of…. Well whatever. I had decided that I would try to journal for about the next year for about once to twice a week. No this was really that much and especially for so many people but it was for me. I never in my life thought I would be some on who wrote in a journal/diary. This was a lot for me and at first it was something that I tried to hide because to be honest with you I was ashamed of writing my thoughts. I thought that I was seriously one of a kind and totally weird. Especially a guy who is writes in a journal. One I was just sitting on my bed just writing about the day and what had gone on when my dad walked in. I was so shocked that someone had seen my journal and especially another guy. I was almost embarrassed that this had happened but none the less I found out that no one really cared all the much that I was writing so I decided to keep on doing it. It taught me so much. I often had so many thoughts running through my head that I couldn’t possible remember them all, but through writing I could go back and look through them at another time. I was able to learn what I was like when I was mad, sad, and well even drunk. I learned that I was a totally different person at times. It was almost comical to me how I had thought at times. This really helped me in my decisions to come.
One of those decisions that it really affected was my decision of my college choice. I had finally learned what I wanted in my life and that was to live for someone and they live for me. I couldn’t find a more wonderful thing that this dream. It was a dream that I never would worry about but had always wanted. I guess one day I had started to look over all of my past writings and I started to notice a pattern. The pattern was like this GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS. But I didn’t want just any girl I wanted one that was unlike all the others someone who really cared for me and for themselves. One day after another horrible night with girls I decided it was time to leave the girl situation and put it in gods hands and I started to pray about it. Not more than three weeks after that night I soon found Shauna Adler. The one I am still with today. We had not talked for nearly a half a year except for a few conversations here and there but we never really talked for quite a while. Well to make a long story short we were officially known as girlfriend/boyfriend to each other. After being with her for about seven months I knew that I didn’t want to go to college with out her. We had decided to make a dream of ours into a reality.
College soon came and what an impact it has been for me. I never could have imagined what it would have been like. I guess I always expected it to be hard and full of decisions but never like it turned out to be. I was truly out on my own. Well except for Shauna. I honestly don’t know what I would do or have done without her. She is everything that I have ever wanted to be and so much more.
I love her for not only who she is
But who I am when I am with her
She has taught me so many lessons in life and most of them by example. I wouldn’t know what I would be or would have been if it was not for her.
There is another thing in this paper’s questions that makes me really think and that is “What does it mean to be human?” Well I interpret in a few ways one of which makes me think of screwing up and just saying well I’m only human. I like so many people have screwed up in our lives and have come to regret some things. I can honestly say in my life that I have very few regrets. I have learned so much from other people. I guess I have some god given help that I can’t explain and that is some of the many feeling s that I get. I am one of those people who tends to have a feeling of whether or not something is going to be dangerous or fun or just a bad night. I at first never really noticed what this was all about until it started happening a little more frequently. Ever since I started actually listening and doing what these feelings said I actually have kept myself out of harms way and often just had a lot more fun by doing so.
Ok well who am I? No really? I am a person who is known to be nice and caring. A lot of people think of me as someone who doesn’t care about anything and that can be good and bad. When it comes to stressing out about many things… well your probably not going to see me there. I bet you are kind of thinking that this is a good thing right and it is for me. But the real deal is when people see that sometimes and think that you absolutely don’t give a damn. I have never really worried about anything because of my life’s motto.
All you can do is the best, at times you will be better than you are at another time
Never worry about what you didn’t accomplish,
Worry about what you did
People never remember your failures but your accomplishments
This is something that means so much to me and I honestly don’t even know if it makes any sense. I try never to sweat the small stuff because of all the stress that is involved. All through my life so far I have tried to share this little bit of advise with people. I hope that the person I am is a leader. Leadership to me is something that I hope I can teach in one of two ways by example (most important) and also by words of wisdom. To be a leader you have to be someone who is never scared to jump out on his own and also someone who doesn’t care to be made out as the fool.
For it is usually the foolish one that speaks
and the wise one that listens
I hope to be someone who is always willing to listens but also someone who is willing to stand up for his or her beliefs. I was just talking to someone about so many of the things that have gone on in our lives throughout all of time. Look at Galileo he was one of those who opposed the fact that the world was the center of the universe. So often in our lives people are thought of as fools because of something they say but then later on we find out what geniuses they were.
All in all I the person who probably knows myself best has no clue who I really am and that is why this paper may sound well kind of jumpy. One minute I think of myself as a college student, another moment I think of myself as a hunter and fisherman. The next I may think of myself as the boyfriend to my lovely girlfriend Shauna. NO matter the case I really don’t think I am going to be a person who stays the same to classify. I am constantly changing and yes maybe it will slow down but until then I guess I am kind of a mystery.
Suoiretsy so si efil
Mystery??
Well just look at this again in another angle or perspective and you can you can figure me out? Maybe try looking at it backwards and you can solve the mystery but chances are I change so much that you will never figure me out. Ha ha ha ha
